Whenever I optimise my website, it exists. It sails the ether like a candy-striped hot-air balloon, attracting cries of admiration and wonder.
When I don’t optimise, it flops in a shrivelled heap on my keyboard.
How did it come to this? Whose idea was it to create so much work?
Such have been my thoughts since deciding to up my online game. It’s taken a while to get to this point. What, I fumed – you not only have to imagine and build a website, you have to keep coming up with ideas for it AND climb the greasy pole of the Google search results pages?
So I’m glad I consulted SEO genius Roberto Bertuol of The SEO Lounge in Crystal Palace. Roberto gave very generously of his time and expertise over a cafe con leche in Casa Cuba, our local Cuban hangout (oh, you don’t have one?).
He explained, using as many one-syllable words as possible, what SEO was all about and why I should give a rat’s ass. I am much the wiser and have already started on it – filled in some description tags and got me a Google+ page. Two days ago I had only the vaguest notion what either of these were.
Even so, I feel a bit of a fraud in this brave new optimised world. The first hint of uncertainty or talk of billing options and I shy away like a daisy at dusk. Now I’m worried Google will suss me out and send a virtual arrow to puncture my lovely balloon.